Small victories add up. I’ve been testing out different approaches to convincing myself to exercise, and something, at least, is working. I’m trying not to count calories or check my weight or worry about anything that would dissuade or distract me. Instead I’m just treating it a bit more like a kind of play, where I’m competitive with myself. It seems to be working.
Earlier this week, I could only pull off six sit-ups, for example. Today I did fifteen before I got tired. Small potatoes, maybe, but I’m not competing with everyone else. I’m competing with me! I’m going yeah that was better and easier! Next time I’m going to do just as good if not more! It helps.
I’ve also just been trying to isolate all the little things that I get embarrassed about. My husband mostly cooks dinner, and I feel bad about that. This week, I stopped him on Sunday to get his work schedule out of him and picked Tuesday and today – his later shift days – where I could volunteer to take that over instead. I made salads. They were big, hearty salads, full of veggies and beans and avocados and healthy things.
I’m doing similar things at work. Or trying to. Work is a difficult one because we’re short-staffed at the moment and so everything has been difficult, but I’m trying to step up where I’m usually shy to so that I don’t feel regret that I didn’t do more, and I’m also watching my stress levels. This is a silly thing, maybe, to be proud of, but I got super stressed towards the end of the day today and did not carry it home with me. I shook it off in a few minutes and went back to being cheerful with my coworkers despite all the chaos. For me, who has a tendency to absorb bad vibes like a sponge, that was huge.
I really want, by the end of this year, to feel like I’m not getting in my own way all the time anymore. I want to be healthy, I want to be strong. I want to proudly call myself a writer instead of feeling like it has an asterisk behind it. I want to learn new creative skills, to be really proud of my art, and to be generally more content and capable feeling in my own skin.
I think I’m on track.
